How to Talk to Your Teen about Suicide
I recently published some articles about Depression in the Spring and How Play Therapy Helps With Depression in Children Clients. In those articles, I shared warning signs or symptoms of Depression. Urges to self harm or use self injurious behaviors and suicidal thoughts are both symptoms of severe depression.
When you notice a difference in your teen’s mood and behaviors, it can be a warning sign that emotionally they are struggling. By familiarizing yourself with the symptoms and signs of depression in teens can give parents guidance on how to support their child.
Some symptoms of depression in teens include:
- changes in sleep and appetite,
- increased sadness,
- melancholy and nervousness,
- loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities,
- difficulty focusing or changes in academic performance,
- hopelessness,
- withdrawing or isolating,
- irritability or agitation,
- loss of hygiene,
- thoughts of self harm or suicide
When teens are experiencing severe depression, warning signs of suicidality may include the following:
- previous attempts at suicide,
- talking about dying or even joking about it,
- withdrawing from relationships,
- increased use of substances,
- risky behaviors,
- saying goodbye,
- giving away their possessions,
- attempting to gain access to lethal forms
Parents sometimes worry that by bringing up depression or concern about severe symptoms such as self injury or suicidal concerns that they may be unintentionally encouraging these things. In fact, we find that with an empathetic and caring conversation about their mental health, that conversation can actually reduce likelihood of self harm or suicidal gestures or attempts.
There are some things you can do to help your conversation with your teen be successful:
- Set aside time. Initiate a conversation when you have plenty of time to talk. Ideally this conversation would take place in your home where you have privacy and are not pressed for time to get anywhere. Also, time is of the essence when you have concern about suicidality. Prioritize time to talk if you have concerns your child may be experiencing suicidal thoughts or urges.
- Remain calm. If your emotions overtake the conversation it could cause your teen to shut down and not disclose fully what they’re experiencing. Manage your emotions and remain calm to allow your child a safe space to share their experience and concerns.
- Offer understanding without judgment. Your primary goal is to get your child to talk honestly. Don’t try to fix. Don’t minimize their stressors or concerns. Simply provide a neutral space where you child can share openly.
- Ask directly. You can encourage an honest answer from your teen by asking directly, “Are you having thoughts of ending your life or harming yourself in some way?” You could also ask “Are you thinking of suicide?”
- Ask about plans and access. If your teen answers ‘yes’ to the above questions, a follow up question should be, “How are you considering you’ll end your life or harm yourself?” As a follow up to that, you should ask, “Do you have access to that plan?”
- Discuss how to be safe. Share your concern about their safety, your love for them and the need to protect them from harming themselves. Explain that whatever access they have to a lethal means will be eliminated and that you’re going to get professional support for them.
- Seek help. If your teen is experiencing suicidal thoughts and has a plan, especially with access to their plan, you should take them to a hospital, as they will likely need to be hospitalized until they are stabilized and their safety can be guaranteed. A psychotherapist can determine their needs and connect you with appropriate services at the hospital.
Here at Creative Family Counseling, we offer counseling for clients who are safe to participate in the outpatient counseling setting. We can help clients and families manage severe symptoms of depression and would be honored to help you.
This can be a challenging conversation but can lead to a strong connection between you and your child. It’s most important to approach the topic in a calm, open and loving manner to encourage honesty from your teen.
As an additional resource the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is available at 988 by phone or text. This may be a resource for you and your child should you need it.
