Is This Normal? When Should I Seek Help for My Child?

By Erica R. Myers, LPCC-S, RPT-S Clinical Director Creative Family Counseling

 

Mental illness can begin at any age and affects everyone – regardless of socioeconomic status, background, or upbringing. It is essential to recognize that the onset of mental illness is typically during childhood and the teenage years, meaning parents must be educated on the potential signs and risks. While mental illness can be scary, it is highly treatable. Those who seek early treatment for their child can find fantastic outcomes in therapy.

 

A large-scale study published in 2021 by Molecular Psychiatry found that the peak age of onset for mental illness was 14.5 years old. The study found that various disorders tend to manifest at different ages. Below is a look at the average age of onset of mental health disorders:

• Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD): 5.5 years old
• Anxiety and phobias: 5.5 years old
• Obsessive-compulsive disorder: 14.5 years old
• Eating disorders: 15.5 years old
• Stress disorders: 15.5 years old
• Substance addiction: 19.5 years old

The truth is most mental illnesses will surface while a child is still living with their parents – and early intervention and awareness will be vital in getting these individuals the help they need and deserve.

 

What is “normal”? 

First, let’s address that there is no “normal.” To help guide you, we’ve compiled a list of the “average” expectations for developmental milestones.

 

What To Expect: Ages 5-9

This group will:

• Have increased ability of their emotions, self-control
• Know how to mask emotions and their use of coping strategies (by age 8)
• Know how their actions affect others
• They prefer structure and routine but are learning to assert their independence.
• Be able to “step into another’s shoes.”
• Form peer groups
• Spend less time with parents and more time with peers.

What To Expect: Ages 10-12

A pre-teen adolescent (tween):

• Commonly has emotional swings (feeling incredible one minute and sad or irritable the next)
• Begins to rely more on same-age friends
• Views being accepted by peers means being liked
• Still depends on bonds with parents though it may not be demonstrated
• Has thoughts of independence, but bonds with family are still clear
• Questions rules and values, often will say things are “unfair.”
• May begin to have body image issues

 

What To Expect: Ages 13-15

An adolescent:

• Struggles with a sense of identity; worries about being normal or “fitting in.”
• Feels awkward or strange about self & body image
• Maintains high expectations for self
• Still relies on connectedness with parents but not in an open manner (being rude to parents in front of others)
• Complains that parents interfere with independence
• Begins testing rules and limits
• Develops more friendships with the opposite sex
• Has increased exposure to sex and drugs
• Tries to find a group of peers where they fit in and are accepted
• Interests and clothing styles are influenced by peer group
• Commonly experiences moodiness
• May return to childish behavior, especially when stressed
• Develops intellectual interests, which become more important
• Realizes that their parents are not perfect and identifies their fault

 

What To Expect: Ages 16-18

This group:

• Girls are more likely to be physically mature
• Boys may not have completed physical maturity
• Exhibits an increased interest in sex
• Tests rules and limits
• Chooses role models
• May experiment with sex and drugs (cigarettes, alcohol, marijuana)
• Peer groups influence interests and clothing styles.
• Peers are still important, but moving toward their identity/thoughts
• Commonly experiences moodiness
• Increased stress and anxiety about future choices (work/school)

 

Consider the Context

In the review of these symptoms, it is essential that parents also consider the short-term or situational events that could explain the child’s changes in emotions or behavior. It is “normal” for a child to be nervous about changes in routine, starting a new activity, or life transitions.

 

Mental health is not simply the absence of a mental disorder. Mental health as a continuum and identifying specific mental disorders are ways to understand how well children are doing. Although children may not actively seek out a conversation with you, it is crucial to engage with them regularly so that you become part of the support system they look to when they are in trouble.

Additional information and tips for a positive school year can be found on the following organizations and websites:

The American Academy of Pediatrics
info@healthchildren.org
847-434-4000

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention: Positive Parenting Tips
1-800-232-4636

Center for Public Education
703- 838-6722
centerforpubliced@nsba.org

National Federation of Families for Children’s Mental Health
240-403-1901
ffcmh@ffcmh.org

U.S. Department of Health & Human Services: Office of Adolescent Health
oah.gov@hhs.gov
240-453-2846