Will Our Children Bounce Back?
How we respond to change will often flavor how our children choose to respond when they are faced with adversity.
As we approach the Fall semester, more and more parents are reaching out for advice on how to talk to their children about returning (or not returning) to school. There are a handful of parents posing a very thought-provoking question: “Will this pandemic have a lasting impact on my children?” My knee-jerk reaction might be unexpected, but my response is “I hope so.” A broader response would be, “I hope it has a lasting impact on ALL of us.”
Now, before you start typing a rebuttal in the comment section, please know that as a therapist I fully understand that this pandemic has negatively affected many people world-wide. I realize that trauma, death, abuse, suicide, hate, racism {insert anything I forgot here} are running rampant. I realize that parents are stressed emotionally and financially. Many kids are lonely and miss their friends. Some children do not have access to high speed internet or the basic tools needed for them to be successful in at home learning. I realize that there are children living 24/7 in abusive homes and some do not have access to nutritional food. Social media has brought out the worst in many of us, and we constantly feel at odds with ‘friends.’ The world is different and hard and many of us are ready to blend-into-the-wallpaper of life and disappear.
What would happen if we step back, reflect, and have a conversation about what we have learned and where we have grown over the past few months? Many of you have realized that you are capable of homeschooling your children full time. Many of you have learned that your child’s school and teachers are invaluable and that they keep you on track with at-home-learning. Some of you are eating dinner together consistently for the first time. You might have a budget and are saving more than ever by skipping fast-food and fancy coffee. Many children are learning valuable skills such as cooking, laundry, cleaning, and organization. Forts have been built and banana bread has been made. Endless hours have been logged outside running and playing. Kids are learning how to entertain themselves and become independent while parents work from home. Parents are learning how to juggle work, teaching, and parenting at the same time.
Difficult conversations are happening in your homes about racism. Conversations about how we have contributed to racism and how we can become a true ally to our BIPOC brothers and sisters. We are talking to our kids about masks and that we wear masks to do our part to keep others safe. We are rewriting the script on what is normal and PARENTS help write this narrative for their children. Children are sponges and they soak up many mannerisms, words, phrases, attitudes, and annoying habits from us. How we respond to change will often flavor how our children choose to respond when they are faced with adversity. If our homes are sprinkled with conspiracy, selfishness and an inability to show humility then those traits will season our children.
Healthy families are learning how to be resilient.
Resiliency:
- The ability to thrive under adverse or challenging circumstances
- The ability to absorb shock effectively without losing shape
- The ability to “bounce-back”
Experiencing pressure allows us an opportunity to develop resiliency as we lean into our resources, strengths, and supports. This could be our natural talents and determination or by practicing healthy coping such as exercise, therapy, meditation, or rest. It could also be by giving and receiving support from our friends and family. For many, such as myself, leaning on faith during challenging times is a spiritual support. There is a great passage about faith-under-pressure found in the book of James in the Bible:
“Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows it’s true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.” James 1: 2-4 MSG
I hope this pandemic has a lasting impact on my daughter. I pray that she grows in empathy, independence, and never loses “the ability to thrive under adverse or challenging circumstances.” I hope this pandemic has a lasting impact on me. I pray that I grow in humility, flexibility, and that I never lose “the ability to bounce-back.”
